Remember in 5th/6th/7th grade before we really even knew how to use the intranetzz and we would send surveys to each other via our AOL email addresses and ask to have others fill it out and send it back even though you'd only read the first two questions and be like, "I don't give a shit about this person, whateveskis" and then fill out some more surveys about yourself? Was that one sentence? I think that just happened. Pepsi or Coke?
Anyway, it then progressed to Xanga, before we even really understood what a blog post was, so we'd either type out an online diary entry ("so lyke we sat at a diff. lunch table today and it waz so weird cuz we were next to tha boiz"), or fill out more surveys, the most popular being "Write 100 facts about yourself." I wont lie, I totes did it. And I loved it and thought I was really cool and witty. Cause I was.
Now we've reached the Facebook era, and poor old Facebook is being raped by the "25 Things About Yourself" posts. What the eff? Didn't Facebook start out as a college based networking site? Just sayin'.
I really don't care that you want to have 6 kids and you totes love your natural hair color and that you've always dreamed of marrying a man who adopts stray cats and enjoys long walks on the beach. Keep that crazy shit to yourself.
So here's the deal: I'm a hypocrite. And I love lists. But instead of providing you with a list of really personal things about myself that could double as a personal ad on a dating site, I'm going to provide you with a list of things that may or may not relate to my life. Vital things.
10 Things You Don't Really Need to Know But Could Come In Handy Someday, Maybe, In Like, A Really Weird Situation...
1. A mouse was living in our stove.
2. Michael Phelps hits the bong.
3. My dog is 15 and licks the couch.
4. Farts make the most interesting/hilarious sounds. Stop trying to deny it. It has nothing to do with maturity. Just think about it. Your ass is making that sound. And it sounds fucking weird. And intriguing. And hilarious.
5. I've been woken up by people fucking in the apartment above my room. On more than one occasion.
6. "Guns don't kill people, physics kills people" --3rd Rock from the Sun
7. The best pervy term for boobs is "fun bags"
8. The foam from toothpaste doesn't serve a purpose or do anything. It's just there to make you feel better. I read that somewhere.
9. The heater in my room is plotting to kill me.
10. Insert obligatory "omg you're so lame for reading this whole thing if you got to this last one because like, it was already lame for me to write it but then you read the whole thing so that therefore makes you lamer and I secretly really wanted you to read this because it says so much I've always wanted to tell you let's be together."
I hope you've learned a lot about me, on a personal level.
